so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
