I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I will be naked everywhere
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
