I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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