my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
