You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
