god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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