My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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