I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
