you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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