someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
