I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.