I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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