girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
