Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
