Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
