hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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