so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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