the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
