i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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