Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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