Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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