apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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