one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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