And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
