Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My hand turned me down
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize