maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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