i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
