we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We are two peas in an std pod
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
