hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
