So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
