I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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