if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She said her name was "party"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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