Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
