just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
