ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
