I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This is not my ceiling
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
