last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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