Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
