I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't deserve a penis
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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