it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are all done wearing pants today
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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