wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
