Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
