I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
