is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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