mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
