Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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