God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Even my vagina gasped.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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