Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pants are for mortals
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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