I hate all girls vehemently.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
