and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
