bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
