new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
