I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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