I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
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We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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