C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
