just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this boner is exhausting
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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