I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
