I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We need to get me chipped asap
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
