I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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