saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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