I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
