Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
