If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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