take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
