I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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