He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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