His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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