Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
