Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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