so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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