I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
