Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
