Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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